Couples therapy: what it is and why it’s important

How to deal with constant arguing, emotional distance or difficulty communicating in a romantic relationship? Couples therapy is increasingly sought by couples who want to overcome conflict, improve communication and increase their emotional connection. In this article, we provide a clear and easy explanation of what couples therapy is, what it’s for, when it should be considered, as well as the precautions and limits of this type of intervention.

What is couples therapy?

Couples therapy is a therapeutic approach that focuses on the relationship dynamics of a romantic partnership. With the support of a specialised psychologist, this form of intervention works on emotional, behavioural and relationship issues that may be affecting the interaction and bond between both members of a couple.

In this type of psychotherapy, couples have the opportunity to explore communication patterns, and identify sources of conflict and beliefs that are affecting the relationship, in order to develop strategies for healthier interaction.

The key goal of therapy is to build empathy, encourage active listening, help understand the partner’s point of view and create new ways of dealing with daily challenges.

Exercises in couples therapy

Throughout therapy, couples may be invited to perform exercises that help break down negative patterns, improve communication and build an emotional connection. These exercises can be carried out during the session or as homework, and are always adapted to each couple’s reality.

1. Active listening exercises

One of the partners talks for a few minutes on an important subject, while the other listens without interrupting. Next, in their own words, the other partner repeats what they understood. This exercise builds empathy and reduces misunderstandings.

2. Structured dialogue

Through questions guided by the therapist — such as "What do you value most in me?" or "How do you feel when we argue?" — the couple learns to express their feelings and needs more clearly and with less criticism.

3. Love map

Inspired by the work of John Gottman, this exercise invites the couple to answer questions that deepen their knowledge of each other: tastes, fears, routines, dreams. This builds intimacy and a sense of connection.

4. Schedule quality time

Many couples end up neglecting quality time together. The therapist may suggest simple and regular activities — such as walks, dinners or conversations without mobile phones — to bond and create truly mindful moments.

5. Gratitude or appreciation list

Each partner identifies and shares things they appreciate about each other, even in challenging times. This exercise helps refocus on the positive aspects of the relationship and appreciate the bond.

6. Unsent letters

Each partner writes the other a letter on a difficult subject, without the obligation of delivering it. This exercise helps clarify feelings and relieve inner tension with emotional security.

7. Plan concrete change

With the help of the therapist, the couple defines specific behaviours to be improved and commits to practical actions.

8. Recreate positive memories

Recalling defining moments — like the first date, a special trip or a joint achievement — helps build a sense of “us” and renew emotional commitment.

Because each couple has its own story, every session is unique. Being open to the process — even when it is emotionally demanding — is a significant step towards building a more mindful and healthy relationship.

What precautions to take?

Before beginning couples therapy sessions, make sure the therapist has specific training in couples counselling and is registered in the Portuguese Psychologists Association (Ordem dos Psicólogos). Having experience in relationship contexts is essential to guarantee the right approach. Furthermore, the therapist’s confidentiality and impartiality are crucial to create a safe environment.

Therapy is most effective when both partners are committed to respectful dialogue and active listening. Judgmental, sarcastic or aggressive attitudes undermine therapeutic progress and compromise the development of joint solutions.

It is equally important to align expectations. The goal is not always “to go back to how things were”, but rather to create new ways of being together — or, in some cases, to achieve a respectful and mature separation.

Emotional and relational change doesn’t happen overnight. This process requires continuity, emotional availability and openness to try new ways of communicating and perform exercises proposed by the therapist.

When to get couples therapy?

Couples therapy can be useful at various stages of a relationship, even when there are no major crises. We mention below some situations in which therapy can be especially helpful: